My Great Quilting Idea

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I had the most brilliant idea the other day. Something that’d help me be super-productive and finish my quilts in half the time.

Tell me, tell me, all the quilters cry. I will…but first let me tell you how I came about this most excellent idea.

This year, at the ripe old age of 47, I began being served ads on Instagram for Perifit.  (No, no-one is sponsoring this post.)

Image from Perifit’s website, similar to the ad I saw on Instagram. That’s a cute little fishy down the bottom there.

For those who do not know (and I didn’t know until I saw the ads), Perifit is a device that helps you exercise and strengthen your pelvic floor.

For those who do not know, your pelvic floor is a group of muscles and ligaments that stop your abdominal organs from falling into your knees. These muscles/ligaments can be weakened by the constant pressure of big, fat (but adorable) baby heads sitting on them for 9 months.

And what do I mean by weakened? I mean if you’ve had 4 adorable, fat-headed children and get on a trampoline with the afore mentioned 4 children…well, you’re not going to come out of that without wee in your undies. This is a FACT.

Perifit goes about its business in a clever way. An important part of pelvic floor strengthening is doing the exercises consistently, every day. What better way to do that than making it a game?

Perifit consists of an in-body device (or in medical terms, a what’s-it that goes in your hoo-ha) that’s linked to a gaming app via low energy Bluetooth. If you’ve ever lost an hour of your life to Candy Crush, Hay Day or *your preferred iPad game here* you’ll understand the power of linking your pelvic floor exercises to a game. If it’s fun, you’ll do it more often.

When I saw my first Perifit ad, showing me how pelvic floor strengthening was new and improved with game play, I cackled out loud. I immediately sent the ad to my younger sister, which I only do with things that really tickle my fancy.

The ad caught my attention for 2 reasons:

  • I love to see gamification used to create positive outcomes for humanity (as opposed to Fortnite), and
  • Who wouldn’t want to play Super Mario Bros with their lady parts?

(It’s not Super Mario Bros, but you know what I mean.)

Now, I don’t have a Perifit, but as a woman who’s had 4 children I will say it looks like a useful device for anyone looking to improve their pelvic floor health. Especially if you have trouble sticking to an exercise regime.

Another method would be to link your pelvic floor exercises with something you do regularly every day (i.e. do them every time you brush your teeth). But if you need more incentive to get the work done, then why not have some fun flexing your muscles and levelling up!

As is the way with Instagram, this Perifit advert was popping up in my feed regularly. I would smile and scroll past; I’d even do a few pelvic floor squeezes…

Then I had an epiphany:

  • I could buy a Perifit
  • I could buy a digital long-arm quilting machine
  • My 16 year old son can code

This lead to my GREAT IDEA:

Forget gaming: I could link a Perifit to a long-arm machine and use my pelvic floor muscles to Free Motion Quilt my quilts!

(In the interests of transparency, I have no idea if my coding son could link a Perifit and a long-arm machine. But once Siri and Alexa take over the world, this will be one of the first things I bring up in the AI Overlord Council Meetings.)

Can you imagine it? There I sit, at my sewing machine piecing my next quilt. I appear focused and also slightly smug, because I am not only piecing but also quilting at the same time. And exercising my pelvic floor, to boot. Surely this is the very definition of optimisation.

And squeeeeeeeeze.

Orange Peel: squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze

Stipple: squeeze, rest, squeeze-squeeze, rest, squeeze, rest, squeeze, rest, squeeze-squeeze.

Baptist fan: squeeze, rest, squeeeeze, rest, squeeeeeeeeeze, rest. Good job.

I do hope the Perifit people see this post and seriously consider licensing my PeriQuilt™️ idea. Yes, defeating a boss level and saving the princess is rewarding, but it’s got nothing on finishing a quilt.

If we could link the two then we’d all have pelvic floors worthy of She-Hulk.

Just something to think about this April Fool’s Day.

Love and squeezes,

Kirsty

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76 thoughts on “My Great Quilting Idea”

  1. I was reading an old magazine, a 2013 Down Under Quilts and came across an article about your blog. I wondered if you were still blogging after all those years, and here you are. So funny that the first blog entry I happened to read was your Perifit one. So funny! I think I’m going to enjoy reading your musings!

    Reply

  4. Hi Kirsty, got home feeling a bit down from hearing that I have to have a “not too serious” melanoma removed from my face and being left with a scar and read your email. Brightened up no end, Hilarious! (70 yrs old, 3 kids and the usual woman’s problems). Thanks for making the day brighter.

    Reply

    • Glad it made you smile, Jen. Take care and I hope you’re feeling better soon (and that your procedure goes well) x x

      Reply

  5. Please keep me on your list. I will be 69 soon and try to do additional sewing in our caravan. I Love you designs and look forward to seeing them.

    Reply

  7. That’s brilliant!!! I had 4 huge babies, but have never been plied, even on April Fool’s Day, with anything resembling a Perifit advert. I love your post!

    Reply

    • Isn’t it interesting – I had never heard of them and then bam, I was on their radar! It’s like they read my mind. ;) The magic of advertising in the Zuckerberg age.  

      Reply

  9. This got me giggling, Kirsty. Especially since my 9.5 pound pelvic floor weakener was born on April Fools Day! He’s now 36 years old and the best April Fools joke ever

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  10. now i can leave a comment bc i was not the only april fool
    i wanted a perifit so much i cld feel my pelvic floor responding
    mixed with the dawning of the joke was a total letdown as i chuckled
    count me as one of those people you cld sell a refridgerator to
    as well as to an eskimo
    but a perfect intro into the piece and squeeze method
    pauline from the island in canada

    Reply

  17. Hey Kristy, I just ordered some quilt patterns. I did not know they were downloads. I don’t know if I got them or not. It ask for some kind of folder, I tried to log in & I got know where. I really don’t know what I am doing. I would like to have these patterns but I am not good with doing these pdf’s. Help me please! Thank you donna tisi

    Reply

  23. This was hilarious – it gave me a much needed laugh and will bring a smile to my face for a long time! Any woman who has had children can certainly relate and the idea of strengthening those muscles while quilting was right up my alley! Get your son to work on this – I’ll be first in line!

    Reply

  28. I may be laughing for another year……!!! This is a hoot!
    Even as one who did not birth children (I got them the easy way – I married their dad), I think this is brilliant. By my age, (70) children or not, a woman NEEDS these exercises. A cough, a stray sneeze or even a good laugh can cause a minor waterfall. I should have stock in a panty-liner manufacturing company!

    Reply

  30. Hilarious for sure (we’re all wishing we’d worn Depend underwear before reading!). But c’mon …. surely I’m not the only one who can see entrepreneurial potential here …. Kirsty, you’re a genius! Put your son to work immediately! I can just imagine the workshops …..

    Reply

    • Oh, the workshops! I hadn’t considered that! And they could all be done online through the app, no need to travel. 
      I think they could also be on a winner if they implemented a multi-player function. Just like you can use a chess app to play chess against anyone in the world, it would be great fun to be able to challenge others to cervical combat! 

      Reply

  36. Amei!! Entendo perfeitamente a otimização do tempo e exercícios pélvicos!! Kkkkk. Faço fisioterapia pélvica e estou muito forte!!! Vou usar meus tempos de costura e exercitar mais ainda!!

    Reply

  37. There was an Australian patchwork tutor who used to recommend in her workshops that we do our pelvic floor exercises while cutting out our patchwork pieces… squeeze and push on that rotary cutter, squeeze and push…

    Reply

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