I had the most brilliant idea the other day. Something that’d help me be super-productive and finish my quilts in half the time.
Tell me, tell me, all the quilters cry. I will…but first let me tell you how I came about this most excellent idea.
This year, at the ripe old age of 47, I began being served ads on Instagram for Perifit. (No, no-one is sponsoring this post.)
For those who do not know (and I didn’t know until I saw the ads), Perifit is a device that helps you exercise and strengthen your pelvic floor.
For those who do not know, your pelvic floor is a group of muscles and ligaments that stop your abdominal organs from falling into your knees. These muscles/ligaments can be weakened by the constant pressure of big, fat (but adorable) baby heads sitting on them for 9 months.
And what do I mean by weakened? I mean if you’ve had 4 adorable, fat-headed children and get on a trampoline with the afore mentioned 4 children…well, you’re not going to come out of that without wee in your undies. This is a FACT.
Perifit goes about its business in a clever way. An important part of pelvic floor strengthening is doing the exercises consistently, every day. What better way to do that than making it a game?
Perifit consists of an in-body device (or in medical terms, a what’s-it that goes in your hoo-ha) that’s linked to a gaming app via low energy Bluetooth. If you’ve ever lost an hour of your life to Candy Crush, Hay Day or *your preferred iPad game here* you’ll understand the power of linking your pelvic floor exercises to a game. If it’s fun, you’ll do it more often.
When I saw my first Perifit ad, showing me how pelvic floor strengthening was new and improved with game play, I cackled out loud. I immediately sent the ad to my younger sister, which I only do with things that really tickle my fancy.
The ad caught my attention for 2 reasons:
- I love to see gamification used to create positive outcomes for humanity (as opposed to Fortnite), and
- Who wouldn’t want to play Super Mario Bros with their lady parts?
(It’s not Super Mario Bros, but you know what I mean.)
Now, I don’t have a Perifit, but as a woman who’s had 4 children I will say it looks like a useful device for anyone looking to improve their pelvic floor health. Especially if you have trouble sticking to an exercise regime.
Another method would be to link your pelvic floor exercises with something you do regularly every day (i.e. do them every time you brush your teeth). But if you need more incentive to get the work done, then why not have some fun flexing your muscles and levelling up!
As is the way with Instagram, this Perifit advert was popping up in my feed regularly. I would smile and scroll past; I’d even do a few pelvic floor squeezes…
Then I had an epiphany:
- I could buy a Perifit
- I could buy a digital long-arm quilting machine
- My 16 year old son can code
This lead to my GREAT IDEA:
Forget gaming: I could link a Perifit to a long-arm machine and use my pelvic floor muscles to Free Motion Quilt my quilts!
(In the interests of transparency, I have no idea if my coding son could link a Perifit and a long-arm machine. But once Siri and Alexa take over the world, this will be one of the first things I bring up in the AI Overlord Council Meetings.)
Can you imagine it? There I sit, at my sewing machine piecing my next quilt. I appear focused and also slightly smug, because I am not only piecing but also quilting at the same time. And exercising my pelvic floor, to boot. Surely this is the very definition of optimisation.
Orange Peel: squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze, squeeze-squeeze
Stipple: squeeze, rest, squeeze-squeeze, rest, squeeze, rest, squeeze, rest, squeeze-squeeze.
Baptist fan: squeeze, rest, squeeeeze, rest, squeeeeeeeeeze, rest. Good job.
I do hope the Perifit people see this post and seriously consider licensing my PeriQuilt™️ idea. Yes, defeating a boss level and saving the princess is rewarding, but it’s got nothing on finishing a quilt.
If we could link the two then we’d all have pelvic floors worthy of She-Hulk.
Just something to think about this April Fool’s Day.
Love and squeezes,